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23-Sep-2017 20:37

It’s soooo tempting because all that Mulderbosch and tomorrow’s Sunday and he made lamb shank for you and everything’s so cosy. You can shag to your heart’s content (if you are a few weeks in, that is. But staying the night is too familiar and what’s going to happen is that after coffee and a walk to the bakery the next morning the temptation to stay the day is going to be enormous and next thing you know three days will have passed and you’re still in his t-shirt, only he’s gotten a bit jittery and has developed a nervous tic and keeps gazing longingly out the window because The Spookery has set in and all he wants is to GET AWAY. Get in your car and go home directly after the shank and the shag. If you absolutely must stay the night, leave very early next morning. Again, the rules are simple and have to be adhered to. It’s about not giving all your plans and your friends and everything else up the minute he crosses your threshold.

Never, ever do that thing on the first or the second date. We were all fed that nonsense about being half people without a man in our lives.

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Create a separate “famous” Instagram account that none of your friends will ever know about!

What indeed (see, I knew all those hard books would pay off somehow in the end). How people remain in relationships and get married in this era of who-the-fucks-that-girl-in-the-pic and the damning two blue ticks is a mystery and a miracle to me.