Thirtysomething dating a twenty something
Your job as a parent is to enable your child to step back and look at the situation from a distance.As much as we want to jump in and clean up any mess our twenty- or thirtysomething children might be in, though, it’s a good idea to know when and where to draw the line — something that’s especially difficult when we see our child is suffering.Instead of telling your child he’s wrong in his self-assessment, remind him of those who love him. The why behind your words: The behavior your child is reporting does indeed sound like emotional abuse, in which case she may need professional help, Deutsch says.Most likely what you say won’t change his feelings at the moment, but you’ve given him a nugget of comfort he can build on when he’s ready. I have no one to talk to because he never let me have friends. If there is abuse involved, the last thing you want to do is shut down her willingness to talk to you.The why behind your words: You don’t want to invalidate your child’s feelings, Deutsch says. We know that most people do get over broken hearts, so let your child know that as bad as the pain is now, there is a future where the pain will hurt less.When your adult child tells you: I must be a terrible person if she can’t love me. Say instead: I understand why you’re feeling that way now, but let’s think about other relationships with friends and family that you’ve had.“We’re also supposed to help them, throughout childhood and young adulthood, to develop good coping skills.” That means when an adult child calls us for sympathy — or sends us a text that reveals their love-life has suffered a setback — we have to repress our urge to say the first thing that comes to mind and instead offer advice that our child can choose to use or not to help with the healing. The why behind your words: “Don’t make assumptions,” Deutsch says.
Right now your experience is like torture, but it won’t always have the same strength of feeling.
Because of the way sound traveled in our loft-like office, we had all overheard her daily conversations with her daughter.